September 11, 2004

Rapidly Blue - The Book

Just thought I would mention that I also have a book out here in Oman called Rapidly Blue which I compiled in 2003.

If you would like to get a free copy please contact me and I would be more than happy to send you a copy to a mailing address of your choice.

Thanks for your support!

September 07, 2004

This is me at Starbucks Shatti Al Qurum and the 'gang' - left to right: Ghareesh, Me, Abdullah and lastly: John

September 06, 2004

Funniest Love Poem Ever!

You’re someone special to me
You’re the air that I breathe
Without you, where would I be?

If you are the sun, I am the sea
I evaporate just like Lipton Iced Tea

You’re the one for me
You’re everything to me
You’re like rice and I am curry
We go along with spices, not honey

We would do candlelight dinners under the balcony
Where’d I’d ask you out, and you’d tell me to go to sleep

There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, dear
‘Cause in my heart, there’s only you
And when you’re asleep, I hope you dream of me
‘Cause I only dream of you

I’ll love you always, forever

Without you, I am never

Wouldn't Life Be Easier?

Wouldn’t life be easier
If everyone minded their own business?

Some things are shit
Some people miss
Their own lives
Their own piss

I don’t miss her
Not anymore
Don’t know why
Don’t care no more

In the past
There was nothing to understand

Romance was in the air
I thought it was her

Now I don’t know anymore

This time it’s my fault, not hers

The Same Confusion

I am nauseated by the fact that I cannot be with anyone worthwhile
The fact that she was always not there
The fact that she is always complaining
Sometimes I am over my ears with her
Sometimes I am drowning in her love

But what really gets me down is the fact that when I am with some friends
And they all have someone
And I am the only shmuck with no one

Riding in the wind
All alone
Wiping these tears
On my own

Simple feelings
Go deep
Wasted all these years
Over a couple of dreams

Sunset in the wind
Dying in my heart
Left all alone
Left in the dark

I hate the fact that she is not there
I hate the fact that when I do really need her to hug me, to kiss me, just to hold me
She would not dare

Rivers tamed
Lay where the summer’s sun rays
But she would give out her hand

It’s either her makeup
Although she doesn’t put up much
Or it’s her problems with this or that
Not that I care anymore, or understand

I almost fell into the whirlpool of darkness
I almost died a few times
And all she could think about was herself
And how it would affect her life

Roses are red
Violets are blue
This white rose isn’t a white rose no more
I just don’t know what to do

Deep down in my heart
There are feelings I cannot control
Anger, sadness, broken heartedness
But I am still in the dark; a blind man, an egg on a roll

I cry my heart on this keyboard
Every night
Thinking, pleading, asking myself what I should do
About this shitty life

And everytime I come to the same conclusion
The same confusion

I cannot come to a single decision
I cannot come to anything at all
My mind is blank
I even forgot my name, its Ghosty y’all

Wake up to butter and bread
Jam and marmalade
Sunshine in her hair
The scent of waking up in the morning next to her
Just smiling back at you
Looking at you
Those big brown eyes

I am dying inside
Bother mentally and physically
Doctors say that I only have 20 years to live
I really don’t care anymore
I don’t have a chance in life anymore

Every single girl or woman
I have ever been in a relationship with
Has either left me for someone else
Or been engaged in one while in it


Help me
Kill this feeling, please
Let it leave me alone

Kill it with a knife
Or a boar
Something, anything
Just get it out of my way

Last words of a blind man

Let me see again
Let me breathe again
Let me feel again

Let me die, my friend


Now there were times when I felt sad
I needed to get back to the books of faith
And when I started to do that
I felt that there was more hurt, more pain

Too much tenderness
Makes you unaware
The more you get
The more to which you’ll swear

But, as opposed to that
You’ll wear a different hat
Each and every single day

And with that you may
Drink up of what you have left of what you have paid
And realize that there’s not one single person who cares so much of a bird’s lay

The thing is you see
What you have is not what you get
Whether you like it or not

You’re going to get what you get, like it, or regret

I Am Nobody

What I do
Is nobody’s business
Not anymore

The rivers gush up
What feelings I have
The waves, the currents, roar

I am a nobody
And nobody am I
In the eyes of the world, I am reckless
In the eyes of my own mother, I am a non-mentionable son-of-a-guy

What do they know?
What do they see?
The wonderous little world
That surrounds me

My tale is not to be told
What things I have in me, what my soul beholds

Turn to me, no more

For I am non-existent, nothing, lorn

Da Weep

Never mind the pain
Don’t worry about today

Some things
Are never meant to be
Whatever we have now
We must cherish or it’ll become obsolete

Why don’t we
Just forget about these things?
And just try to remember
What we don’t feel, what we don’t think

I live in a world
That is so beyond me
Never thought
I would ever to want kill the person in me

Some things
Are never meant to be
Whatever we do
Whatever we please

Now that I have said my part

Don’t weep on me my heart

Confused - Still

It’s sad to know.
What you didn’t know.

A friend of mine.
Asked me once.
What do you wanna be.
When you grow up?

I thought for a second.
And answered back.
Told him I don’t know.
Where I stand.

For the first time.
I’ve finally realized.
That I don’t know what I want to be.

Sure, I’ve still got time.
But I’ve gotta start thinking from this moment, right?
Otherwise, I’d end up being a sleaze.

This is not love.
This is my career.
I think I’ve been wrong.
All these years.

Wish someone.
Could point out the right way.
‘Cause I’m dying.

Of my lonely days

Absolutely Lost

Why should I waste
My pen
When no one actually reads these things?

Why should I write down
What I think
When no one actually listens?

There’s no point of building a house
With no roof
So why should I leave the ground
If I’m being stood?

Take a break from me
Then tell me if you believe
Am I the one?

If there’s no light to lead
And no one’s beside you to guide you to your needs

Then tell me why the hell should I follow on…?


It looks great on you,
With your smile,
I don’t know,
Maybe it’s the colour of life

I’m trying to find out,
Something new,
But everytime I try that,
I keep coming back to you

It’s your spirit,
Your love,
It’s your passion,
That I can’t get enough of

I guess that’s why,
I feel love all around,
Now I know,Why they call that color - “Brown”

Black Cloud

Black cloud
Fly over me
Run by
Into the next sea

The sea of depth
Depth of love
Where it is found
When it is lost

Black cloud
Don’t leave me alone
I need someone
To live my life with, to call my ‘love’

Someone who’ll love me
For being me
Not just because
I fulfill their fantasy

Black cloud
Tell them of my pain
How I am alone in this round
How I managed to keep myself sane

Not some fairytale
About some kid and a beanstalk
But a true one
About a heartbroken soul

Black cloud
Rain down on me

Hope this time around
That the pain I feel
Will disappear


Why were you,
Wearing Black today?
Is it that much,
A sad day?

I only took a glimpse,
With you walking out the door,
I thought I wouldn’t regret it,
But now I’m down on the floor

Will there be a day?
Will we ever meet?
I hope so

Some may say,
That I’m holding on to a hope so weak,
But I don’t think so

I don’t want to be seen in your eyes,
As a boy,
Who’s come with lively ideas in his mind,
And taking the girl’s heart as a toy

I want you,
To see me as a man,
Who will protect you,
Forever ‘til the end

Seeing you,
Gives me hope,
That this world has a better place,
For a dope

I kept looking for you,
In a subconscious way,
Then I saw your friends without you,
And I thought, you must’ve gone home to stay

Am I driving you,
Off my track?
Or do you want me,
To cut you some slack?

Answer me,
I want a reply now,
Don’t be afraid of me,

Just let the feelings flow

Will There Ever Be A Chance?

Will there ever be a chance
To have you in my life?
To love you, to have you
All day and night

Is there a chance?
That I could be forgiven?
That you would take me
Into your guiding rhythm?

Could there be
A better soul than yours?
Will I ever believe?
Like I have believed in your love?

Can there be a time
A time to forgive and see?
That you're my light
And shining dream

There are many things in life
That fulfills one's needs
But there's only time
To actually believe in a dream

Can come true'
Wish that I could believe in that

If you think you can dry these tears
Or believe that I love you
Then the solution's in your hands

This is hard for me
As it is hard for you
Don't you realize?

How much I'm in love with you...?

Is There Hope For Another Chance?

He’d walk through
The muddy lane
Thinking of what happened

The smile
The elegance
The fire
Of her presence

She was all he had
From this world
His family, his friends
They were all in blur

He found it hard
To believe
That yesterday she was there
Now she’s nowhere to be seen

Into the dry avenue
The time when he thought it was true

Somehow, there was something else about her
Something he knew, but couldn’t tell
Call it psychic, call it mental
He was digging deeper into an ever drying well

The sun hides
From the clouds
And so does he

He hides
From the sounds
Of what he used to believe

It’s things like this
That are hard to resist

Sitting down on a bench

He wishes for yet another chance

Give Me A Second Chance - Please

Wish I could have.
A second chance.
At love.

Just one more taste.
Of pure romance.
That’s all I ask of.

The tenderness.
That one feels.
That loneliness.
The disease.

You stay home.
By the hour.
Thinking who you’re gonna love.
And how it feels so sour.

Is it easy.
To forget?
How we were pleased.
By the love we met?

Times have passed.
To tell us we’ve messed up.
Big time.

But all I want.
Is a second chance.
At having a beautiful life.

Love is pure.
And undeniable.
Love is the cure.
That we’d die for.

But we must not be sealed by pretences.
How we feel is how we are sentenced.

Legal is the right.
We claim for.
But love is not the type.
That you just run for.

We may bleed.
We may still be able to breathe.
But we live for love.

Our souls may grieve.
Our senses may be sealed.

But it will never be enough.

Beach Party

I went to the beach.
Last night.
All night.

Trying to think.
If what I did.
Was wrong or right.

I went with my friends.
But that’s not.
Where the story ends.

It was.
A friend’s birthday party.
He invited all of us.
To hang out and be happy.

W had.
All sorts of FUN.
At least.
Most of us.

I was like.
The odd one out.
Sitting all night.
Just lookin’ around.

I almost went to tears.

Thinking there what happened through the past years

The Beach (2)

I wish I can go there now,
So I can get all this pain off my chest,
There’s a lot on my mind,
That I want to get out, so I can rest

I just love walking along its shores,
And looking into its salty waters,
While smelling it’s air

I hate having a heart that’s torn,
And not being able to talk to someone who can understand,
And not knowing that a friend still cares

If I ever get there,
I’ll just sit there on the ground,
And gaze into the horizon,

Until the Sun goes down

The Beach

There’s this place,
That still lies within my heart,
It’s the only place,
Where I felt recreation start

Whenever I go there,
I feel something overwhelming me,
It’s the only place where I don’t care,
What the world has done to me

You can get it all over there

This where you won’t find it - I swear

Although I haven’t seen it,
For quite some time,
I still remember it,
As the best place in my mind

August 24, 2004

I Love You

When you go to sleep
When you dream through the night
When you try to comprehend
The feelings you hold inside

When you wake up
When you open your eyes
When you turn your head
When you blink in surprise

I will always watch over you
I will always love you
I will always care for you
I will always guard you against the terror of the night

When you walk the road
When you're driving your car
When walking through
The blinking lamplight in the dark

When you breathe in
When your hearts beats again and again
When you try to inhale
Will it be me you breathe in?

I am only the air that surrounds you
I am only the night that protects you
I am only the sunlight that feeds into you
I am only the love that is looking for you

I love you

What's Meant To Be Will Be

What thoughts in my head linger
About future or past
What things about the present
That I don't understand

It's just a matter of where and how
The power will ever be
The time it chooses
And the place, at it's please

The whimper of a child
The smile of a lady
The moaning of a man
In his sixties, 'why me?'

The simple pleasures that we take for granted
The circumstances in which they take us
We would love control
But we don't
The life we live
Is not ours – that's what we forgot

What's meant to be will be
For time and day
What's meant to be will be

This feeling I try to understand – everyday

What Do You Think?

I find myself
Thinking of you from time to time
Flash back memory
Wish I could erase it so I could get on with my life

Everytime I see a woman
A couple
Or someone like you

I am sent back in time
Thinking of the good and the bad
And it's all because of you

I have burned your letters
Your Valentine's card
Erased your photos from my PC
I no longer have in possession anything that reminds me of that 'part'

I was supposed to marry you
You were supposed to come back
Why the hell did you lead me?
Why couldn't you just tell me from the start?

I'm a fool for having fallen for you
I'm a fool now for still thinking of you

It didn't seem logical to try to commit suicide twice in a row
Now the thoughts of that idea still come and go

What do you think?


Tomorrow, when the Sun comes up in the sky
Will you be able to wake up and not cry?
To the sound of the birds singing your name in the sky
Deliver her to me, dear God, please, before I die

Tomorrow, when the Moon rests on the sea
And when you go to sleep
Will you dream of me?
I wish you could, so you could see how much I am suffering, without you here next to me

Tomorrow, when you pass me by on the sidewalk
Will you turn, smile, and go
Or will you pay no attention to a stranger you have never known
I wonder if you think of me

Tomorrow, when I would be admitted into the bed
When all my tears have been shed
When all my hopes and fears have gone over into the land of the dead
Do you think by that time you would know me enough to visit me?

Tomorrow lies in my heart
A twinkle, a spark, a love-rose in the pot
I will always think of you
But will you ever think of me?
I will always have you in my heart
But will you deny me the passion to be in your life?
I will always think of the day when we would pass by each other, smile at each other, perhaps even sit down and talk to each other
But would you, ever think, of the same of me?

Tomorrow lies in my heart
The past is forgotten, it’s in the dark
The present I hold in my hands
The hope of meeting you, and to love you, and that you would understand

This is the truth, which I hold

The life within me

The Minute I See You

For the beauty of life
For the beauty in you
For some sense of romance
And for the truth

I can’t sit around here
Just doing nothing
Just acting like some statue
Just living in the blues

One day I’ll be living with you
Somewhere, in your heart, you will have saved me from my solitude

‘Til then, I’m still looking for you
My white rose – this rain, blue

I’d give up my sadness
The minute I see you

The Change Within

The parents die
Children laugh and play
This is the life we live
And, at times, regret to this very day

Pandora's box opened
Chaos all over
I miss the greens
The cold weather and clover

Forgiven sins of our might
Man's greatest tragedy is not his body but his mind

The change within
The laughter we miss
The tears we cry
On our butter-fingered bliss

'Read a novel', 'write a poem', 'do something productive'
Is it me or are you a two-faced liar trying to send a false message?

But in the end
The tears I'll be crying will come from my heart
Because no one listens

To a rational person, or his mind, because, to them, he's dead – drained of blood

The Blind Man

A blind man walks in the street
A stick in his hand from hand to heel
Holds out his hand
Waving it for people to understand
That he needs their sympathy
Not money
Their heart
And not a few Dollars

A blind man walks in the street
Late at night
Tries to find a place
To rest his mind

He has nowhere to go
No chest to be protected by
No love to be given
No smile, even if he could see with his own two eyes

This blind man
Is now dead
But his soul still roams the streets
You can still hear him ask
'Wonderous world, who will love, protect, and not run from the face at hand?'

Do you hear him...?

The Angel That I Will Never See

Birds fly in the air
Fish in the sea
But an Angel like her
I will never meet

Is she a ribbon?
Is she the Blue sea?
Is she the wonder?
That will enlighten me to ease?

An Angel walks upon the Earth
Just for me
It’s the life
That I live in; that I breathe

Smile for me
Will you please?
I like to see you smile
It hurts me to see you sad, or unhappy

Would you?
Or would you not be the only one?

Could you be…

The only one

Take Me

Take my heart

Take my heart
And swift me away
Into the land of freedom
Come what may

Take my soul
Put me in your pocket
Dance me around
Like the music in your dreams

Take my hand
Take me all
Take my life, won't you
Without you - I would surely fall

Take me
Take me
Take me

Take me to the land of freedom
Where you heart beats
Where I can feel your passion
Where I can fulfill your every need

Take me to where you want to go
Take me there and I will always follow
Take me and never let go of my hand
Take me, don't lie to me, because the moment you do that - the bond between us, will be stroked upon, by the Angel of death

Take me to where you smile and not weep
Take me to where you plow your dreams
Take me to the land of fairytales and not sorrow
Take me but never let me go

Take ME


I'm no superman
I'm a human being
I try to struggle in this life
I try to be me

I'm always told to alive
To stay free
To live the time
But I can't – see?

I have my problems
I have a way of thinking
I have a way in life
I try to look danger in the eye, without blinking

But I'm no superman
Although I try to be
People call me Mr. Pessimistic
But that's just me

I'm no superman
Although I try to be
I try to live to everyone's expectations
But it's as if the nations have called for the beheading of me

I try to be
Who I'm not
I try to see
But I end up wrong

I'm not complaining
I'm telling a story
A story of me
A man with no vision, no future – I'm sorry

If you want a superman
You've come to the wrong man
I'm not that kind of a person
Although I try to be that kind of a man

I could go on like this
Telling you all this crap
But honestly, truly
Why would you want to understand?

My problems are mine
Mine to keep
Mine to drown in
My eyes, they weep

Even if I found a woman, just for me
Would she understand me?
Would she stay with me?
Would she – in time – betray me?

The heavens have once clashed upon my head
And destroyed my every nerve
They told my heart to beat
And to call it 'love'

But even then
I couldn't stand it
I tried to hold it within
But now my mind has banned it

Now that life for me
Is in a late age
It's time for me
To move on again

Maybe I'll stumble once again
Upon another beautiful woman who will understand
That in her eyes

I'll always try to be… a superman

Rose Between The Thorns

I wish I could talk to you more and more
To find out what you are thinking of and to spread you with warmth

I cannot tell a lie
How much I like you
This is my path of life
Would you lie to me, too?

The truth is in the eyes
The truth is in the heart
Burdens touch heart and soul

The never ending search for a rose between the thorns

Personally Speaking

Beyond the flower
The bed of the sea
The beating heart
That beats within me

I wish I could sleep
All I ever think of is you
I wish I could just dream
Of your image, of your love that would shine through

I cannot sleep the night
When you are not here
I cannot think in the daylight
I cannot eat, nor drink, not even smile a happy face

I wish you were here
Even though you broke my heart
Three years ago

I wish I could see you here
Hold you, or die in your arms
But it seems this thought will never let go

You're not the night to me anymore
You're not the sunshine that would shine on my face
You're more like a drug that I need to get off
You're the blistering memory that grinds in my head and makes it ache

Every kiss we ever had
Was a fake
Those two Valentine's we had
All you had wanted was your own way

Now I am here
All alone
Because of you

I am wondering
Pondering, that should I see you, should I shoot you or stab you, or strangle you 'til you choke out last breath in you?

Its too bad I can't post your pic
It would have been wonderful to show the world how beautiful THORNS can be
But I will resist
The time will come when I will find another love for me

Passion into dust
Fire into ash
This memory will never go
And no one will ever understand


My Reality

Life is life
A question left in the heart
Let the mind wonder about it
Let it try to break the ice, for a start

Apples on trees
Too red, too green
My reality is fixed
Upon one dream

One day
You'll pull through the fog
Like a rainbow in the rain

One day
I'll see
Your face

Would you be everything I wanted you to be?
Who knows?
Would you be the way I dreamed about you?
I don't think so

My heart
Is a flying bird
I am tired
I want to get a girl

This poem is intended for those who understand
Those who don't can just go away instead of trying to comprehend

My idea of love
Is first attraction
Develop a friendship
And you have mental satisfaction

Other things
Will come my way
How soon?
I don't know really when, to say

God, I miss being in love

Like A Wildchild

Like a wildchild in the summer haze
Smile upon me and embrace
Your laughter will turn my sadness into happiness and everyone will smile catch it through a phase

Second tulip in the row
The rose next to it will never grow
Unless you smile and let it go
Tomorrow is another day don't let your pain ever show

Rain will come one day
And black clouds will fill up the sky to make more rain
You'll stand outside and get soaked wet - but who cares anyway?

One day you'll go back on these memories one day
And say to yourself, I wish I could do these things again someday
But unfortunately God has taken it all away
Why? You ask? I wouldn't know. And right now, I wouldn't care anyway

But I will say this:
A smile is a smile is a kiss
Gentle and light on my cheek on my lips
A warm hug, an I LOVE YOU
I cherish the life that I will always have with you

My heart is yours
The scent of love is contagious when it’s your eyes I look into
Sun goes down, the Moon arises
But never will there ever be time without you with surprises

Kiss Me Before You Leave

Kiss me before you leave
Rub your hand in my hair
Wash away the gloom in that corner, that glare
Hum to me as if I were a child
Sing to me as if I were to die

Kiss me before I go to sleep
Read to me the story of Romeo and Juliet
Where lovers met because of their desire and created their own fate
Love me there and then
Where happiness is never-ending

Wisk me away with your hands
The softness you hold
The warm heart, the beautiful features, of oh so many, into one mix of you, they mould

Kiss me before I go sleep

Don't deny me of this passion, the sweetest of dreams

Just A Dream, A Wish

It was dark

I could only make out an image of what could have been a figure

I saw the light that it was leading me to
I saw the face behind it, too
I saw your eyes and I was glued
I saw you and I knew that this must be a dream, because I haven't met you

I heard your voice and it was soft
I heard your voice as if a whisper
I heard your voice and I called it love, too soon to hinder
I heard you and I said to myself 'let me not wake up from my dream - ever'

I felt your hand on my face
I felt the warmth of love, which, I wish to embrace
I felt your smile through your hand as it passed on the summer love with all its grace
I felt you and I wished to God that I could feel it all over again

I woke up, suddenly, in my bed
A tear in my eye, a frown on my face, not a smile
I was in hospital tied up with many wires
Blood, agony, and a restless fever in my eyes
I only wish you were here to ease my suffering tonight

Let this Valentine's be new to me
Let the agony be gone and set me free
Let the wind fill me with the strength of your love beneath my feet
Let me stand so I can call out your name, let me see your face again, let me once again feel the love that I am deprived of, please

I love you - whoever you are
I wish you a happy Valentine's and much happiness - where-ever you are

Isn't This What Your Heart Wanted All Along?

Isn't this what your heart wanted?
Isn't this what you wanted all along?
Isn't this the type of Devil you really are?
The one, who, wrecks hearts and homes?

Aren’t you the type to break a man's heart?
And send his tears through the tap?
Aren't you the type to distinguish that spark?
To have it your own way? To make him look like a baby without the decency of giving him the opportunity to understand?

Kill the messenger
Kill the hope
Kill the undying need
Of love in this soul

Kill me
Kill my heart
Kill my hope for a white flower
For a light in the dark

Hang me from a tower
For everyone to see
What the hope of finding love
Has done to me

Search my veins
Search my head
Search my hands
All you'll find are traces of a hope that is dead

Burn me
Burn me
Burn me and this lighting desire

Shoot me
I no longer want to live
With this loneliness that I live everyday, which I silently cry out

May God take my soul
Before I do it myself
May God forgive me

For thinking like this

Happy Valentine's

Is it right for me to see your smile
And not be blessed by it?
Is it right for me to see you pass by there
In the most beautiful form, and not complement it?

Is it right that you should walk on and not know that I am there for you?
Is it right that I would see a red rose and could not give it to you?

Would it be right that you are somewhere so far
That I don't know where you are
That I cannot feel your compassion for the passionate person you are
And still live on with my life as it is?

Is it right that you love someone and you don't know who
That everyday passes by and you gain loneliness and solitude
And pass everyday as if there will be something else new
To happen, like the sight of having to see you?

Is it fair - ever - that you should pass out on the chance
That you should try to flirt with a woman in order to understand
Whether you're a pig, an ass, or purely gentleman

That she would love you for you are
Not because of your appearance and how skinny you are
Or because of the way you hum to every song
And how annoying it is not to get the attention you need while she is on the phone

My heart holds the love we need

My life is a root, water it with love - please?

In The Depths of My Soul

In the depths of my soul
In the relics of my goal
I know not what I should do

I know only that I must get up everytime I fall
I know that everytime my heart breaks that I must laugh not cry
I know that everytime I hold pain in my heart that I would crack and with that, my life would be gone

Life for me is a matter of chances
Like my dreams just a matter of glimpse
Glimpses of my past
Glimpses of my future
And the life I live in the present

Turn out to be my present
Turn out to help me in my future
Kill my past and let me live on

A flower will always be a flower
The weather will always change but I will endower
Sunshine will come out one day and I will laugh like a baby

When I see you, with that smile for me, which you won’t deny me


As the sun dawns over the mountains
Beyond my window
My eyes fight
To open up in front of the screen

I think of my life
I think of the moments that when
My life used to have
A meaning

I turn and gaze
I smile and smile again
I look at my mobile phone
I tip sip off a 7up can and not COKE
And I remind myself it'll all be over soon

When will I see you?
When will stop being alone?
When will the nights stop being so lonesome?
When will phone bills go through the roof once more?
When will I see you?
When will I turn away?
When will the thoughts that I have just turn away?

I have a TV
I have a digital receiver
I have a PC
A hard drive and a printer
I have two game consoles that I don't use
It's the same with my heart and my mind, technically, if only you knew

I have a mind
A wonderous mind
A hand-watch, actually five
What good is time if I can't have you in my life?

I have everything
And nothing
I have the world at my fingertips
But no one to share it with

This must be the reason that God made Eve for Adam
They call me Ghosty, you must be the Phantom

When will I see you?
When will you come my way?
When will you make me stop asking so many questions?
When will you just kiss me and say "it's ok"?



I Would

I would love to see a smile
Just for me
A flirt, a wink
Or maybe, a beautiful woman, calling out for me

I would gladly be knocked out by a guy
If it was his sister, I was flirting
For he has no idea
That it is her soul, which I have been searching

I would love to wake up in a hospital bed
All bruised up, breathless and almost paralyzed
If it meant to
That I would be waking up to her eyes

I would love to walk with you side by side
Eye to eye
Hand in hand

Or if you want
A glass of ice cold Coke
A candle in a darkened room, and two straws – just you and me

All I am trying to say
Is that whatever I do
I would

Love to do it with you

From Woman To Man

A woman
Is a woman
Is a Goddess by my measurements

A man
Is just a man
To her heart and the following revelations

I would like to understand
The how and whys
And then go on to know
That it is you who is resembled all over the sky

Shattered, my heart, will be
From remembering the loss of you, for me
At the mere mention of your name, I cry, I weep
And when I am asked 'Do you still love her?' I hold my breath, silently

Turn the hold that is within my heart
The bridge which I crossed, over the lake, at the park
The love I no longer hold, the emptiness in which my feelings starve
No moonlight, no sunshine, no angle, no hand, no spark

This is a moment I am asked to overcome
This is a time, whereby I am told to walk through and not to run from
Be it in the rain or the blazing sun

I would never forget that 'one'

Just Another Beating Heart

Another flower gone into hiding from the winter breeze
Another sunset gone into the mellow tides underneath my feet

Another feeling of sadness sinking into my depressed soul
Another question in my head; “Where has it all gone?”

You wish the time you have at your hands
Was driven away
By long walks, short calls
Meeting on a date

But you’re all alone
With no one to call your own
No roses, no happy birthdays
No public tea breaks at a cafe

Some call it a longing for romance
But then again: what is romance?

A walk in the park?
Or perhaps on the beach?
My hand in your hand?
Or lovers eyes at gaze across the street?

Put your hand on your beating heart
Tell me what it says
‘Call them’

‘Call them today’


As the darkness looms over the sea
As the rhythm beats in my heart, in my soul, as I sleep
I dream of you, dream of me, and dream of us being happy

As the day passes by
As the sun stands-by in the sky
I think of you, I think of me, I think of us, hand-in-hand walking on the beach

Do I do this to torture myself?
Do we live alone in this universe?

Does my heart beat for no one at all?
Are you a ghost, just as I, unknown to the world?

Sunburn in my soul
The thought of meeting you withers in my mind
Tell a story to the child

This is attraction, love, at first sight

Beyond The Questions of The Mind

In a time of death
We all feel sorrow
Where there is no hope
When we feel there’s no tomorrow

In a life we live
Where time passes by
In a relevance to the mind
And the thoughts that drive us nuts by night

Deliver the frustration to the morning
Where we reach the sunrise with a yawning
When we live to grow old and ask why
Why ever this life? Why for God sakes, why?

Why move on to the next day?
Why lose hope and regain it again?
Why go to sleep and dream?
Why live your life when it is not to your please?

Beyond the night
Beyond the stars
Beyond the living soul
Of which our body will part

Beyond the clouds
Beyond the air
Beyond the breath
And the scent of a woman so near yet so far
Beyond the headache of driving your thoughts into a minded brick wall
Beyond the trash, beyond the corruption of the soul
Beyond the concept, beyond our goal

A white flower
Will only bloom for so long
And it will only rain for such a short while
And you’ll only live for a little over 70 years and die
And by the time you’re dead, you’ll think either ‘I’ve done what I’m supposed to have done’ or ‘Why?’

But will you confront yourself with the woman in your life?
Will you find the true heart by the time you are left high and dry?

Questions – more of which controls not the body, but the mind

Wedding Anniversary

Today I saw two pigeons cross their beaks
I remembered you
I saw the clouds in shapes of hearts
And it reminded me of you

You could be here
You could be there
You could be anywhere
But you would be in my heart

I hope that this day, you would cherish
The love I hold for you is plenty
Wishing you endless happiness

On your wedding anniversary

Wild Thing

I'm feeling wild
I'm feeling free
I feel like a child
Set amongst the greens

Come out the sun
Laugh with me
Rivers bursting with laughter
Chase with me my dreams

Under the moon
Under the stars
Under the wild oceans
Of the clouds

Under this skin
Under this brain
Under this heart
Is me, happily insane

I'm feeling wild
I'm feeling free
I feel like a child
Set amongst the greens

I only wish I could give this feeling to you
I only wish I could pass it on to you
But I'm sure
That this feeling of happiness is just as contagious to me as it will be to you

I'm feeling wild
I'm feeling free
I feel like a child
Set amongst the greens

August 20, 2004

And this is me

You'll See Me

You'll see me walking on a lonely shore
You'll see me walking along under the lights of a lonely street
You'll see me crying an innocent tear because I'm alone
You'll see me; you'll think you're no use for me

What do I say?
What do I do?
What am I to achieve?
If I don't have you?

Cinema's no good
Beaches are no fun
The ride in the car without you
Makes me feel more bored

Who wants sunsets?
Who wants sandy beaches?
Who wants a chocolate cake?
Who wants the rain?
Who wants a night in the winter air?
All I ever wanted is to have you

I know these are just words
And they'll never reach you no matter how much I try
But these are my wishes, my dreams

Why? Because you are my life

You Could Be Here

You could be here
Right in front of me
Or walking down that lonely street

Should I be missing you
Or anticipating your arrival
I don't know where to begin, really

You could have been the girl driving behind me
Or another beautiful one smiling and flirting at me
Really I wouldn't know, but I am in desperate need of thee
Would I be a clown? Or really serious? I really wouldn't know, but for you, I would be anything

If I couldn't laugh, I would cry. If I couldn't live, I would die
If for you, I could stand the test of time
To be more patient towards you To love you
To understand you To respect you
And not to underestimate you

Thinking of you, all the time
This is how I think of you - line after line...

Wonderous World

I wonder what you’re wearing today
I wonder what flower you look like today
I wonder how your pearly eyes twinkle and sway
I wonder how you’ve styled your hair today
I wonder whom you’ve met, and what, to them, you say
I wonder if it is, ever, about us, you think, anytime, any day
I wonder if you ever think about getting together, for tea, or breakfast, one day
I wonder if you’ll love me, when we meet, all along the way
I wonder if I’ll ever find you, ever – one time, one day

Where The Moon Is - The Sun Is Always There

There is no path set for you and for me.
It seems so sad, but what can we do? This is the way it will always be.

I fear the future, I am scared.
That I will not find you – a thought of which I cannot dare.
For where the moon is, the sun is always there.

A simple tear – everyday.
Fate? Let it be, come what may.
Sunrays in my eyes, the beauty that will come one to me and say:
Here I am; the truth; you have given, and now you take.

Trees are trees.
Dreams are dreams.
Clouds are clouds.
Seas are seas.

But are you just a fantasy...?

When You See Me

When you see me
Don't make a modest smile
Don't wink
Don't tease me
Because I don't want to be hypnotized by your eyes
Inspelled by the beauty in your face
And the remarkleableness and complexity in which God has created your grace

When you see me
Don't take pity on me
The hunted cavalier
'Drive by, do, or dare'
Someone as beautiful as you, definitely has someone in mind
Or maybe somebody is already in line
Love lasts for all your years - would you, or someone such as you - be there in time?
I'd rather not live another lie

When you see me
Just pass by
Make it look as though you never even noticed me
'I'd rather eat a day's old pair of socks and die!'
Walk on by
Wonderous you
Whom you make me black and blue
Whom I never cease to exist in front of you
Brown eyes, true love never dies

For this is the way that it is meant to be

Wax Fruit

Love don't hate me
Don't make me cry out in the dark my pleads
I'd rather have myself dying
Than crying for your needs

Love don't clutch at my soul
As you are right now
My has no goal
Because I have convinced myself that it is you I should be surround

What good is the table?
If the food is all wax?
What good is life?
Without you in it?
What good is your heart?

If there's no one to understand?

They Told Me To Shut Up

They told me to shut up
They told me not to say a word
They told me it would be over
It would be over very soon

The darkness in this hall
The room they put me in
The window and the bars
The paleness on my skin

Tears down my cheek
I closed my eyes
I wondered if this was all a dream
I wish I could wake up from this fright

A hand on my arm woke me up
I stared into the darkness and two eyes
Both were sad
Both were gonna cry out like a child

My mother held me close
Told me it was gonna be alright
Told me that there should be nothing I should be afraid of

That she would be there for all my time

The Starbucks Moment

Vivid moments of pleasure
Taste the delicacies and feel the delight
Starbucks is the only place where you can
Taste the true blend of coffee; morning, noon, or night

Come in, sit down, have a chat
Taste our Frappuchino, Coffee Latte’s, or tea
Enjoy our friendly mellow atmosphere and staff
Or just listen to our selection of jazz and R’N’ B

One way or another, you’ll find out that Starbucks is different

Live your life easily and come in and enjoy the ‘Starbucks moment’

Rythem of The Night

Rythem of the night
Be silent, be still
I have long favored the winter air
The breeze it is with filled
Life is complicated
My mind is obstructed
By the many problems with which it is surrounded
Lifeline of time
Beauty of the night
The feeling of not being able to make it
I breathe you in
I live within you
Rythem of the night
Be still, be true


Smile into my eyes
Smile away the blues
Smile away the sighs
The way I remember you

Smile into my heart
The way it used to be
Smile again into my life
Don't let me drown in these tears

You are so deeply missed in my heart
In my mind, I hold your spark
'Tis to this day, that I possess your love

A never-ending tale, of two lovers, in a park

Life Is A Flower

When you are weary
When you think the end is near
Life grows on
Life gives plenty to change

Riding down the tunnel
A black window, blue window too
You would see my marks
And probably hers, too

Dive into the clouds
Slip through like air
Its no wonder
You're still here

Petal by petal
Piece by piece
Think of life as a flower

Nourish it, won't you please?

Dear God

















Call Me Up And Make Me Smile

Call me up to say hi.
Call me up to ask me how I am and why.
Call me up just to say that you miss me and not need me.
But don’t call me up to say ‘Bye’.

If I can’t listen to your sweet voice then at least let me see your eyes.
Where passion lives without a lie.
Where the moon and the sun lie.
And where beauty is never denied.

There is no vision without you by my side.
Life, without you, is just a lie.

To know your beauty, I want to understand your smile.
Where dimples come up, and make your eyes twinkle in the light.
Call me up – please, and make me smile

August 19, 2004


She wore a blue ribbon on her hair
It would fluff around when she would dance through the air

She danced like a baby
Being happy and all
She was full of it
God! I loved her smile. I loved her all.

Written with the passion of love
And inspired by your beauty
This the truth
This is a true love story

She fell from Heaven because she was meant for me
I felt inspelled by everything on her; from eye to knee
You would have too, believe you and me
Angelica was her name, and angelic in her nature, she was, truly

Now she's gone
Don't know where
This is my story
Of my life's only care

Angelica, if you read this - I love you so

This is all I ever wanted you to know

August 18, 2004

You Have Left Me

You have left me
To this cruel world
To live alone
Like a caveman hiding from a hunter in the cold

You have put my love
On trial
The way you shut me out
The truth that you deny

Two years
Was nothing to you
The things we have done and seen
Now because of you, I am truly blue

Too blue
To see the world
In an optimistic eye

Too blue
To taste the true taste
Of life

Why have you thrown away my heart?
The lies that you told me I hold on to and cry at every night

Sometimes I wish
That you had killed me
Instead of having leaving me like this

Why you had to go
And do what you did
It’s a curse, not bliss

I should be dead
Not alive
How I dreamed of being in your arms
Oh so many times


Why are you so wicked?
Why all the lies?
Why tearing up my heart?

Now I am alone
Now I die slowly
Now the world can collapse on me
And I wouldn’t care

This birthday will really be different
Now that you are gone
Maybe I can commit suicide with a free mind
Because I have lost my soul


My mind is wondering about you
Would you make me a happy man, or more blue?

I don’t why
I am taking it this way
I haven’t talked to you, or heard from you
Or even seen your face

Maybe I am
Blowing it out of proportion
But if I am
Then why all this sudden happiness and loving notion?

I have only seen your picture
And already I am obsessed
Perhaps I am acting childlike
Perhaps it is a test

A test to see
If I am worthy of such a thing or not
To try to believe
That life can make you make happy and not

True to myself
I try to be
Wonderous questions
Always seem to swim in my sea

If I am not what you want
Take it easy on me
For I have been slaughtered a thousand times
By women, who have kept me on my toes and turned out to be thieves

I do hope
I do wish
I don’t know
Could someone send out a sign, please?

All I want
Is someone to love
Someone to care for me
Who will not betray my trust

Will that day ever come?
I am not sure
It’s like the weather that we always have on the outside
You never can predict what’s going to happen in the future

White flower
Silver petals
Spark in my heart
Dying of this riddle

Torn Souls

Ghost at my path
Things I may never come to comprehend

The beggar at the streets
The children’s tears
How much more will we be silent?

Defenders of the faith
We are ones who know of the pain
Dare you, to mute yourself, against the children’s crying?

These pictures
We see
The motions
We seek

I was born free
I will live free
I will die a free soul

To those who think they are weak
To anyone who thinks they are not of need
How do you face this call?

The call of the innocent
Who howl out of pain
Who’s skin, soul, lifetime’s memories
Have been torn away

We sit in our homes
Silent tears
When will we ever overcome
These silly, stupid, fears?

I see myself
Among fighters
Thrashing away
At those who attempt to steal my lifetime’s possessions

Rebel soul
Nothing less, nothing more

The secret of life
Is to live each day at a time

Plan ahead
You may
But don’t be surprised
If one day, your plans are changed

The heart
Can only belong to one
Take your time
To find that ‘one’

Don’t cry at my words
Do something for our world

It’s never too lateTo stop the pain

There Is No Reason To Smile

There is no reason to smile
There is no life
No spring in my bottom
No galore

Life is life
As atrocious as it may be
The things I used to love and like
Have all gone. Now, it's just me

I might as well
Just hang off my head
What good is life
When you live as if you are dead?

Negligence to soul
To me
To my life
The things I need

You say
It is just a phase
I say
It is a lot of pain

Give me morphine, anytime
I don't wanna live this kind of life

The Truth

Loneliness grasps at my heart
Digging deeper into my emotions making me cry out in the dark

Freedom is the light to where your heart breathes
The feeling, the passion, a lifting – an 'ease'

Love is a tale to be told
Forgetting the heartbreaks and mixing in with the mould

Hold out your heart
At bay
Keep wishing
Come what may

Lovers gaze at one another
Friends love each other

But I am merely a person who has been in line for years

Waiting for the other true half of me

Taking My Life

Taking my life
Into my own two hands
With this knife
I think of why is it I stand

Sitting here
Thinking of you
Then thinking of what I am writing
Through and through

Simple words
You say to me
Make me stop
Make me think
Make me stare

I stopped thinking about her
From time to time
Because of what you said to me

I printed out your email
Not because of your poetic lines
But because I believed in thee

I even have two copies
One at home
One in my car…

But I stopped thinking about anything good
Girls, I see
Bitches - maybe, too
But no one as sweet
As sweet as you

I try to keep myself on track
I try to make myself understand
That it is I who is in gain

I try to look onward and see the sun shine
Where the glow keeps glowing, never hides
But all I ever feel is rain - cold bitter rain

Not the type
That I love
Not the type with the blowing wind
But the type that just keeps pouring down on you
Until eventually, there is no more

It is that day – the one that has no more
That I am looking for

One day
The sun will shine my way
And I will need MIB sunglasses to get over them
Because they’ll be shining for me

Telling me
This is your day
You are the ghost
You are Ghosty

You will live on
You will understand
This is life
You have Hods to help you at hand

This is a phase
For if I fail
Then I am no better than she is
The pain
That I am feeling is cold, can’t explain it because it’s bitter

Come my way
Let your sunrays
Shine on me

Lead me
To the one who will truly love me for me
Lead me
To my happiness and to accomplishing my dreams
Lead me
To the white rose that truly exists on this Earth
Help me
Keep my friends - whether they like it or not

White roses
Red roses
Yellow, too

This is how much
I am missing
The one who is making me all sad and blue

I love you
Wherever you are
Whoever you are

And yes
To answer your question
A woman is all my life, love, and heart

For without her
I cannot live
Without her
I cannot exist

Maybe, true

But to me
I am willing to make it my reality
Even if it means that, I would die for it

Should They?

Should the hours not gain from your eyes?
The sense I felt when I was by your side?
The feeling in my heart when you were nearby?

Should I call out your name and ask for you?
Should I come out in the rain and drench just for you?
Should I retain myself in shame from just thinking over you?

Tell me what I should do
Because I am so in love with you

Rosemary Blu

...And the single rosebud
Came up to me and said
Where have you been all these years?

I smiled
Kneeled down and replied
'Somewhere where only God knows'

The faint smile
On that face
The withered clothes
Of their mums taste

Ragged as they are
As they will ever be
The time has come
Has come for me

Striking an attack
On betrayal
The divine evil
Of that snare

I still remember her
In my bitter cold
For it is the warmth of killing her
That keeps me from striking out my tongue like a toad

Summer sunshine
Don’t runaway
The time will come
When I will have what I may

Distance to the sun
To the seas
I hope I will see you soon
For my heart still bleeds



Rapidly Blue

Dear princess of my heart
I miss your love
I miss your spark

I miss you
As much as the sunshine misses the rain
Where your light will guide me and help me in my vain

I am nothing
No better

You are the world to me
You are my pearl
A flower with a petal

Beauty rises
Among the rain
Sunshine love
Hardened by mere pain

Pain of heartbreak
Pain of fear
Pain of tolerance
Of which I could not conceal

The winter’s breeze
The cold touch
The warmth of your breath
And your love’s rush

Sunshine glue
In my heart
Rapidly blue
Love, be a spark

Solid, sound, green
Where I may see your face in my dreams

Don’t go
Don’t run
Don’t rush

Stay with me
Don’t betray me
I am your one and only love

Tears in my eyes
As the rain
Now that I feel
That you are near me again

River wide
So near
My path is unknown
Yet, it seems so clear

Princess Under Moonlit Clouds

I hope that one day
I would put a smile on your face
So that the sun may shine gracefully in my sky
And the moonlight will guide my night
And your beauty would be embraced

And you
You would be a princess
Sitting there under the moonlit clouds
Under the stars
Underneath it all
Breathing in my soul
On your call to my heart
Underneath the fathoms of the legends
Which call upon us all

That you have a smile on your face
Right now
Wherever you are

I wish I could see your smiling face
Whereby eternity would halt for a second
Just to let me see the trace
And when you walk
The earth shatters with emotions
The air is filled with devotion
In honor of your presence
Where you would run around, like a child, with will and grace

Maybe I was once a star in your field
Shining down on you with gleam

Off The Top of My Head

The reason to which I stopped
To believe
That there is a reason
To actually live
Is anonymous…

What emotions
I quiver
In my state
What desire
What fanaticism
What pain – Why wait?

The drive you drive
In this life
The psycho-mental barriers
Of “I’ve never had that”

Your eyes look upon everything
And everything looks upon you
Why marry? Why contraire?
Why even think k it through?

“Two hearts
May beat as one”
One day, one of them
Is going to be as lonely as the setting sun

The single nerve
In my body
Tells me
That I am a nobody

Woven ties
Head in the sands
This what
I have come to understand

The dark night
The shirt, grey
Beautiful women
Will come and go away

What power I have
Is beyond me
Only the strongest will pass
And that is not me

Why pass?
When you can surpass?
The things I try to do
To not considers the things past

Die in Rome
Or Australia
It doesn’t matter
What’s going to kill ya, is going to kill ya

So now the question is:
What’s to going to happen now?
Will it be the red pill?
Or will it be the blue pill?

I may be confused
On what to do
I may be surprised
On whom I am
Maybe I should eat nuts
Or a coke
Do you really fancy one?
My mind spoke

Writing this
Off the top of my head
On a desktop
In my room
The golden treasure
Of the talented

Is where I patched it


Now that you've touched my heart
And you've touched my soul
Now that you've gone
And taken it all

Now that you're no longer
And so far away
Now you're no longer near me
Nor do I see you face

The hardest part
Was having to convince myself
That I was still in love with you

Now that you've left me
Without a word, so long ago
I know its not true

The stars can collide
The river banks can open wide
But I no longer want to hide
Because I know I won't live long to survive

Missing You

I miss you
As much as the night misses the day
Where I would walk away your grief
And make your life happier, more straight

I wish to God
That there was a star
Named after you
Blessed by you
As it intensifies in lightening because of you
Twinkling, ever so brightly, because of a hope of seeing you
With the wind in the air
And the sea breath running through and through

Bright as this sunshine day was
Bright as it could ever be
It would never be as bright
As the day I would see thee

In return to the moment
Of the star
To understand
Who you really are

Wondrous world
Of you
Not black, not pink
But blue - velvet blue

Somehow, grabbing a moment
Is like thinking of you
For one brief second
I only think of you
No matter how bad the times are
I always come back to the thought of you

Simply because
You are you

You are a true wonder of the world
Running upside down, you make my life twirl
Truly you are, a pearl

Loving you
Missing you

Where are you, girl?

Me And Who I Am

… So I am told
That there is no Mrs. Right
The future is foretold
There is no darkness as there is no light

Sitting alone in this corner
As lonely as I can be
Trying to make out my life
And how I would love for it to seem

And as I write these words
To someone I don’t even know
I just think back on my life
And how it goes

Why live life
When you can’t achieve your dreams?
Why even bother
When all your life is full of sorrows and you’re never pleased?

I imagined myself
That I am with a gorgeous woman
And now that I am

I realize now
It’s not exactly what I want
Not really who I am

She’s everything a man may want
But not this one

If I had a chance
To undo the wrongs
I have done
I would

But since there isn’t
Then there really isn’t a thing
I can do about it
Because no one can turn back the clock


This is what it’s all about
This is my purpose
This is my life

My only hope
My only chance
Is that there’s a shining star up there shining down on me
Shining only for me
Telling me that there’s still a chance
But not now
Maybe later
Maybe just before I die
Maybe when I enter the light

I intend to live my life to the fullest
To push it to the limits
Even if it’s wrong
Because after all, you only live life once

But inside
I will always be possessive
I will always want something for me
I will always want someone just for me and not for anyone else
Because to share your someone with someone else
Is like sharing the Moon
Or breaking up the mountains
Or crossing the Atlantic on my own two feet
… It just can’t be done

Ghosty was the name
I chose for me
Because I like it
But above all, because it represents me

Someone who really isn’t there
Don’t laugh
‘Cause if you are
The you really don’t understand

I am just me
This is who I am
Forgive me for my honesty
But you must understand, this is who I am

I represent the soul of a man who is dead in battle
A woman who has no hope out of a fire
A three-month-old baby dying of A.I.D.S.
That’s just it
… I am the end of the universe

So, left to you
Are two choices in hand
You take the Carrot
Or the Banana

… Personally
I would take the Banana
Something soft
I could land on

Moral of the whole thing?
Is she out there? Is she really waiting for me?
… ‘A pocket full of dreams’


Maybe life wasn't meant to be like this
Maybe I wasn't meant to be who I am
There are times when I feel at bliss
And others when I feel like I am dying

Maybe the Sun would shine on me one day
Maybe the Moon would one day shine its light upon me
Maybe I'll see your smile one day
Maybe, just maybe, we'll click, and you’ll like me

Maybe the line of the past wasn't meant to be this long
Maybe the future is meant to be shorter than this
Maybe I am just thinking too darn loud
Maybe I should forget about all of this

Maybe one day, I'll find you
And maybe on that day I'd invite you for a cup of tea
And you'd smile – oh my God - what a smile
You'd fill my soul and make it at ease

Maybe this poem is just too long
Maybe the feelings I have are just too strong
Maybe I should keep my feelings to myself
Maybe, I don't know, I wish I was right about being wrong

Love Will Find It's Way To My Heart

Love will find its way to my heart.
I keep on calling out in the dark.

Find me and you will see.
The passionate lover who lives inside of me.

Tell me your secrets.
I will tell you mine.
Full moon, in behold.
Our feelings intertwined.

Catch my heart.
Don't let it slip away.
I have a feeling that this day will come.
One day.

Lakes of Summer

Lakes of summer
Winters in hide
Don’t know when I’ll be taken
This misery that within me lies

'til that day - I love you all
'til that day - my sun would have gone

I Think, Therefore, I Am

I am only me
But if you want me to be
The stars, I will

If you want me to be
The moon, I will
But don't betray me

Don't display to me one face
And then show me another
Don't lie to me
Be as honest as you can be

Live and learn
That's life I suppose
The distance to the sun
Is farther than that to my heart

I Sometimes Wonder Why

I sometimes wonder why

Why the Moon should not fall into the sky?
Why the Sun would not crash down into my eyes?

Why the heart does go on?
Why should we ever live on our own?

These wonders
Inside my head

They swim
In their streams
Until they’re no longer alive – but dead

I stopped to think
But that was wrong
Where is the clear weather?
In this Moon, wind and Sun?

Where can you find
The perfect one?
When are the clouds
Never hiding the Sun?

When is a table
Not full of food?
When will I ever come
To find you?

The hope is unleashed
In my dreams
But reality surprises me
With astounding things

Where you may find water
There was always a stream
But at the end of that, is there is a pot of gold?

And where you may find the Sun shining its hot rays
On a cold winter’s day
Would you come to find a hot spot?


Does not cease
To mock with me

Life is a flower
In a vase
You have to tender to its needs
To its cares

But if life is full of such dirt
And that dirt is too hard to get off the ground
Then what is the point, after all?

You plant the seeds
To bring in the trees
But rain just does not come down

Mirror, mirror
On my dull bathroom wall
Who is the ugliest, unluckiest
Man of them all?

Moving on
To another stage
Another ground

Where my face
Takes another pace
To more than just a frown

‘Take a good look at my face’
‘You’ll see my smile looks out of place’
‘If you look closer it’s easier to trace’
‘The tracks of my tears’

Simple mother
Simple father
Lonely son

Has this story
Ever gone wrong?

Have you ever seen the Sun set on the beach?
Have you ever come to feel the loneliness of the cold winter’s breeze?

Have you ever picked up a flower all by yourself
And given it to yourself again to attract attention?

Have you ever met eyes
With the one you so dearly loved
And never come close
To the one you really dreamed of?

Have you seen the Sun
Set on the sea?
Have you ever, ever in your life
Ever dreamt of me?

Simple hopes
Complicated fears
One leads to another
Reality! Lead on! I am in the rear!

If one thinks
That talking like this
Can lead to insanity

Then count me insane
For I have lost all feeling of pain
That be stands me

My life is not worth living
Nor should anyone live it for me
Oh, this tangled web
Of which we weave

‘Ask not’
‘For who the bells chime’
For they chime for me

The rivers dance
They galore
Of what I spree

The only source of life that I can never come to compare is you
You are my true savior
My true one white rose
You are the one I turn to

You are nowhere to be seen
Untouchable, unforgettable, unforgivable, unlovable
Why are you doing this to me?

You, yourself, your soul
You are a ghost to me
One of which
I feel inside of me
One of which
I miss endlessly

I suffer alone
I live alone
I will die alone

My world is black
Without you
Show yourself, come out of the crowd
Don’t do this to me

My mind can only take as much as it can
And my limits are being pushed farther to the end

I see you smiling
In a vision
With a graceful smile

To be able to visualize such a feeling

I only hope
That you are feeling
Of what my soul is bleeding

I only hope
That would look at me
Just for a glance

So that I can tell
So that I may know
So that I may finally understand

May I live to see that day
May I live to see the smile off your angelic face

May I die, and not see a tear roll down rose red cheeks
May we live to see each other in reality, not just in our dreams

My heart
Will always be

I remain
Pleadingly yours

I Only Miss About You

I sometimes wonder why

Why the Moon should not fall into the sky?
Why the Sun would not crash down into my eyes?

Why the heart does go on?
Why should we ever live on our own?

These wonders
Inside my head

They swim
In their streams
Until they’re no longer alive – but dead

I stopped to think
But that was wrong
Where is the clear weather?
In this Moon, wind and Sun?

Where can you find
The perfect one?
When are the clouds
Never hiding the Sun?

When is a table
Not full of food?
When will I ever come
To find you?

The hope is unleashed
In my dreams
But reality surprises me
With astounding things

Where you may find water
There was always a stream
But at the end of that, is there is a pot of gold?

And where you may find the Sun shining its hot rays
On a cold winter’s day

Would you come to find a hot spot?

I Miss You A Lot

I miss you a lot
I wish you were here by my side
Cuddling up in front of a fire

Love to hear you whisper in my ear
Those loving words I wish to hear
And the feel your breath against my chest
This power over me, you possess

Don't say we shouldn't
Say we should try
You never know
What might come by

This is a flower
From me to you
Blue not pink
This is how I feel because of you

Helpless when you are not around
Defenseless when you are
These feelings you stir inside of me you have no idea of

I love you, whoever you say you are


Wonder what the world would see of me?
If I pray?
If I grieve?
If I die today?

The windows of the world. Are open now. You can see your obstacles. You can fly all around.

“I can see clearly now the rain has gone.
I can see all obstacles in my way.”

The Sun shines so bright.
Behind the clouds.
Moving it away.

The tender night.
Of which you are bound.
Will come, one day.

I lie awake in my bed
And just think

Why did I lose my way?
Why wasn’t I pushed back?
Why couldn’t I resist?

You could not resist the temptations. Only the strong can. Your will is weak, but your heart is strong. Thus, one day, you will understand. You will understand. That there’s a day for everything. To lie. To cheat. And even to sing. Your past is past. Your present is here. The future is to follow. Although it is unclear. What you don’t know. Won’t hurt you. Thus, you must show. That no one can hurt you.

The mind. Is a simple game. You control it. You control your way. Don’t set your foot into the dark path of sorrow. Follow the yellow-bricked road.

I have tried
And I have failed
To no avail

What must I do?
In order to retain?
The happiness that I once had?
The smile I once had on my face?

I saw the Moon last night
High above the clouds
Swiftting slowly with its eyes
On everything around

Silver sky
Dark blue
When will I ever
Come to find you?

In one voice. In one strong voice. The world united and said;

“You are your own will
You’re your own protector
Kill or be killed
For you are your own savior”

The weakness in my heart
Became strong
The way people laughed at me
Mattered to me, no more

I could not be silent
Any longer
I can only speak the truth right now
Than to become a blunder

I stood up, with the flag in one hand. And the other rose up so high. People rushed to me to hear what I wanted to say. The reason to which I proclaim. To what I am today.

I am a human being!
Just as you are!
Just as our mothers gave birth to us!
How we live, and the way we are!

They took the flag out of my right
And tied both behind my back
They put a gag into my mouth
And blinded my eyes for that

“You’re not worthy of living”
They said
“You’re a disgrace to the human beings”
They went on to say

One of them shuffled something out of his pocket. Clicked it. Placed it against the back of my head.

“Not to worry”
He said
“I’ll put you out of your misery”
Then I was blinded

It was dark for a moment
Then I could see some light
I still couldn’t see a thing
Like darkness had called its force upon the night

I was flying
I was floating
Something was pulling me towards the light
Pulling me softly

And then there was nothing
All I could hear was some strange music

The air was filled with some strange music. I could hear nothing else. The tugging had eventually stopped. I was alone.

All of a sudden, this bright shiny light came towards me. It was fascinating. Indescribable. I could not dare myself to reach out and touch it. It was magnificent.

And then I heard a beautiful feminine voice. As if humming. Appealing to me to listen. As I concentrated, I could vaguely make out the words;

“They were wrong about you
They don’t know you”

Naturally, this came as a surprise to me, alongside with everything else that was happening. Having some kind of manner or being talking to me, or at least, I thought it was.

What are you talking about?
Who was wrong about what?

They say your inner wishes
Become your dreams
But if these are my wishes
Then I know that they cannot be achieved

“You are wrong”

How so?

“The future is in your hands
And you know
That it is you who must understand
To where your future must go”

This got to me
How I must understand
My own needs

It’s the business of perfection
For my life at hand
How this simple process
Will help me get rid of the miseries in my mind

The river of life
Is at flow
Where it will stop
Nobody knows

I stopped trying to find out. On whom I am. I saw what a waste it was. Just trying to understand.

Then these few thoughts popped into my mind. Out of nowhere;

Go back
To whom you must be
The person inside of you


August 17, 2004

Heart of Mine

Dear heart of mine
And sorrow of my life
The turns have turned to be worse
The commotions we are having take me into a more darker room

The life
The sound
That I keep on hearing

Why is this so?
Why is it that this has become?
Where has it gone, this feeling?

God made Adam
And he made Eve
Together they would live
Together, until the day they die, they would always be

Now it is you
Now it is me
Now that we are apart
Tell me, where do we go from here?

'Tis the sounds
That the children hear
'Tis the day
That I will be burried beneath

Simple joys
Of the past
My heart is not a toy
Nor are you a target, or something like that

Tell me now
What will I do?
Now that God has seperated your heart from mine?
Now that you are where you are, and I am where I am?

The clouds move over
The Sun sets over
Life goes on
But my feelings get lower

I am standing now
At the edge of this hill
Thinking of what we used to do
What we used to say, back then

I see the ground
Way up from here
The only sound
That I hear is the sound of the wind

Should I let go
To life's miseries
And if I do
Who would be there for me?


Good night
May God bless us all
May he guide you to the peace you should find in your soul
Love is a carrot not an apple
The difference is not respect but perspective
Reach out and touch the sun
Where you'll feel the glowing warmth
Maybe one day you'll understandThat we are all just human beings

Five Reasons To Stay Alive

Five reasons to stay alive

And you

Last death wishes on a blind man’s tongue

Bear not the light
With a frightened face
For the sun cannot harm you
Where it does not rise

Life is a like a candle
One day it will wither away
And along with it
It will take you

Safe is the place
On the other side
Although it may never have green grass
You will never hear any lies

The blind man stroke his chin
Crossed his heart
Faced the sky

His eyes were as they were
But it looked as if they were searching for something
What will the heart cannot deny

The air stiffened
The man was gone
His body was there
But his soul was not

Til death do us part
I will always have a broken heart

Someday I will die
And you will not be here
I hope that day never comes
For I don’t have a blind man’s courage nor spears

Butter and cream
Marshmallows in your dreams
I am hanging by a thin line
Between reality and fantasy

Finding Your Soul

Finding your soul
On a cold winter's day
The reason to which life is
Come what may

You are alone
On an island
Where no one can talk to you
Where no one can reach where I am

I speak of wonders
I speak of dreams
I speak of love
And what it can achieve

I see you
In my dreams
I see my life
And to where it leads

I try to lead
A normal life
I try to conceive
On why she had to lie

I try to understand
Why we cannot talk about her
I try to believe
That it's in my best interest

But everytime I see a woman
Or a couple holding hands
It breaks my heart

To see what we could have become
To see the dreams we dreams
All go to dust

Simple emotions
In the heart
Complicated enough in the soul
This is how agony starts

Tell me how it will be
Now that I have nobody...?