September 06, 2004

Confused - Still

It’s sad to know.
What you didn’t know.

A friend of mine.
Asked me once.
What do you wanna be.
When you grow up?

I thought for a second.
And answered back.
Told him I don’t know.
Where I stand.

For the first time.
I’ve finally realized.
That I don’t know what I want to be.

Sure, I’ve still got time.
But I’ve gotta start thinking from this moment, right?
Otherwise, I’d end up being a sleaze.

This is not love.
This is my career.
I think I’ve been wrong.
All these years.

Wish someone.
Could point out the right way.
‘Cause I’m dying.

Of my lonely days

Absolutely Lost

Why should I waste
My pen
When no one actually reads these things?

Why should I write down
What I think
When no one actually listens?

There’s no point of building a house
With no roof
So why should I leave the ground
If I’m being stood?

Take a break from me
Then tell me if you believe
Am I the one?

If there’s no light to lead
And no one’s beside you to guide you to your needs

Then tell me why the hell should I follow on…?

Brown

It looks great on you,
With your smile,
I don’t know,
Maybe it’s the colour of life

I’m trying to find out,
Something new,
But everytime I try that,
I keep coming back to you

It’s your spirit,
Your love,
It’s your passion,
That I can’t get enough of

I guess that’s why,
I feel love all around,
Now I know,Why they call that color - “Brown”

Black Cloud

Black cloud
Fly over me
Run by
Into the next sea

The sea of depth
Depth of love
Where it is found
When it is lost

Black cloud
Don’t leave me alone
I need someone
To live my life with, to call my ‘love’

Someone who’ll love me
For being me
Not just because
I fulfill their fantasy

Black cloud
Tell them of my pain
How I am alone in this round
How I managed to keep myself sane

Not some fairytale
About some kid and a beanstalk
But a true one
About a heartbroken soul

Black cloud
Rain
Rain down on me

Hope this time around
That the pain I feel
Will disappear

Black

Why were you,
Wearing Black today?
Is it that much,
A sad day?

I only took a glimpse,
With you walking out the door,
I thought I wouldn’t regret it,
But now I’m down on the floor

Will there be a day?
Will we ever meet?
I hope so

Some may say,
That I’m holding on to a hope so weak,
But I don’t think so

I don’t want to be seen in your eyes,
As a boy,
Who’s come with lively ideas in his mind,
And taking the girl’s heart as a toy

I want you,
To see me as a man,
Who will protect you,
Forever ‘til the end

Seeing you,
Gives me hope,
That this world has a better place,
For a dope

I kept looking for you,
In a subconscious way,
Then I saw your friends without you,
And I thought, you must’ve gone home to stay

Am I driving you,
Off my track?
Or do you want me,
To cut you some slack?

Answer me,
I want a reply now,
Don’t be afraid of me,

Just let the feelings flow

Will There Ever Be A Chance?

Will there ever be a chance
To have you in my life?
To love you, to have you
All day and night

Is there a chance?
That I could be forgiven?
That you would take me
Into your guiding rhythm?

Could there be
A better soul than yours?
Will I ever believe?
Like I have believed in your love?

Can there be a time
A time to forgive and see?
That you're my light
And shining dream

There are many things in life
That fulfills one's needs
But there's only time
To actually believe in a dream

'Dreams
Can come true'
Wish that I could believe in that

If you think you can dry these tears
Or believe that I love you
Then the solution's in your hands

This is hard for me
As it is hard for you
Don't you realize?

How much I'm in love with you...?

Is There Hope For Another Chance?

He’d walk through
The muddy lane
Thinking of what happened
Yesterday

The smile
The elegance
The fire
Of her presence

She was all he had
From this world
His family, his friends
They were all in blur

He found it hard
To believe
That yesterday she was there
Now she’s nowhere to be seen

Into the dry avenue
The time when he thought it was true

Somehow, there was something else about her
Something he knew, but couldn’t tell
Call it psychic, call it mental
He was digging deeper into an ever drying well

The sun hides
From the clouds
And so does he

He hides
From the sounds
Of what he used to believe

It’s things like this
That are hard to resist

Sitting down on a bench

He wishes for yet another chance

Give Me A Second Chance - Please

Wish I could have.
A second chance.
At love.

Just one more taste.
Of pure romance.
That’s all I ask of.

The tenderness.
That one feels.
That loneliness.
The disease.

You stay home.
By the hour.
Thinking who you’re gonna love.
And how it feels so sour.

Is it easy.
To forget?
How we were pleased.
By the love we met?

Times have passed.
To tell us we’ve messed up.
Big time.

But all I want.
Is a second chance.
At having a beautiful life.

Love is pure.
And undeniable.
Love is the cure.
That we’d die for.

But we must not be sealed by pretences.
How we feel is how we are sentenced.

Legal is the right.
We claim for.
But love is not the type.
That you just run for.

We may bleed.
We may still be able to breathe.
But we live for love.

Our souls may grieve.
Our senses may be sealed.

But it will never be enough.

Beach Party

I went to the beach.
Last night.
All night.

Trying to think.
If what I did.
Was wrong or right.

Actually.
I went with my friends.
But that’s not.
Where the story ends.

It was.
A friend’s birthday party.
He invited all of us.
To hang out and be happy.

W had.
All sorts of FUN.
At least.
Most of us.

I was like.
The odd one out.
Sitting all night.
Just lookin’ around.

I almost went to tears.

Thinking there what happened through the past years

The Beach (2)

I wish I can go there now,
So I can get all this pain off my chest,
There’s a lot on my mind,
That I want to get out, so I can rest

I just love walking along its shores,
And looking into its salty waters,
While smelling it’s air


I hate having a heart that’s torn,
And not being able to talk to someone who can understand,
And not knowing that a friend still cares

If I ever get there,
I’ll just sit there on the ground,
And gaze into the horizon,

Until the Sun goes down

The Beach

There’s this place,
That still lies within my heart,
It’s the only place,
Where I felt recreation start

Whenever I go there,
I feel something overwhelming me,
It’s the only place where I don’t care,
What the world has done to me

Temptation,
Passion,
You can get it all over there

Angriness,
Hatred,
This where you won’t find it - I swear

Although I haven’t seen it,
For quite some time,
I still remember it,
As the best place in my mind

August 24, 2004

I Love You

When you go to sleep
When you dream through the night
When you try to comprehend
The feelings you hold inside

When you wake up
When you open your eyes
When you turn your head
When you blink in surprise

I will always watch over you
I will always love you
I will always care for you
I will always guard you against the terror of the night

When you walk the road
When you're driving your car
When walking through
The blinking lamplight in the dark

When you breathe in
When your hearts beats again and again
When you try to inhale
Will it be me you breathe in?

I am only the air that surrounds you
I am only the night that protects you
I am only the sunlight that feeds into you
I am only the love that is looking for you


I love you

What's Meant To Be Will Be

What thoughts in my head linger
About future or past
What things about the present
That I don't understand

It's just a matter of where and how
The power will ever be
The time it chooses
And the place, at it's please

The whimper of a child
The smile of a lady
The moaning of a man
In his sixties, 'why me?'

The simple pleasures that we take for granted
The circumstances in which they take us
We would love control
But we don't
The life we live
Is not ours – that's what we forgot

What's meant to be will be
For time and day
What's meant to be will be

This feeling I try to understand – everyday

What Do You Think?

I find myself
Thinking of you from time to time
Flash back memory
Wish I could erase it so I could get on with my life

Everytime I see a woman
A couple
Or someone like you

I am sent back in time
Thinking of the good and the bad
And it's all because of you

I have burned your letters
Your Valentine's card
Erased your photos from my PC
I no longer have in possession anything that reminds me of that 'part'

I was supposed to marry you
You were supposed to come back
Why the hell did you lead me?
Why couldn't you just tell me from the start?

I'm a fool for having fallen for you
I'm a fool now for still thinking of you

It didn't seem logical to try to commit suicide twice in a row
Now the thoughts of that idea still come and go


What do you think?

Tomorrow

Tomorrow, when the Sun comes up in the sky
Will you be able to wake up and not cry?
To the sound of the birds singing your name in the sky
Deliver her to me, dear God, please, before I die

Tomorrow, when the Moon rests on the sea
And when you go to sleep
Will you dream of me?
I wish you could, so you could see how much I am suffering, without you here next to me

Tomorrow, when you pass me by on the sidewalk
Will you turn, smile, and go
Or will you pay no attention to a stranger you have never known
I wonder if you think of me

Tomorrow, when I would be admitted into the bed
When all my tears have been shed
When all my hopes and fears have gone over into the land of the dead
Do you think by that time you would know me enough to visit me?

Tomorrow lies in my heart
A twinkle, a spark, a love-rose in the pot
I will always think of you
But will you ever think of me?
I will always have you in my heart
But will you deny me the passion to be in your life?
I will always think of the day when we would pass by each other, smile at each other, perhaps even sit down and talk to each other
But would you, ever think, of the same of me?

Tomorrow lies in my heart
The past is forgotten, it’s in the dark
The present I hold in my hands
The hope of meeting you, and to love you, and that you would understand

This is the truth, which I hold

The life within me

The Minute I See You

For the beauty of life
For the beauty in you
For some sense of romance
And for the truth

I can’t sit around here
Just doing nothing
Just acting like some statue
Just living in the blues

One day I’ll be living with you
Somewhere, in your heart, you will have saved me from my solitude

‘Til then, I’m still looking for you
My white rose – this rain, blue

I’d give up my sadness
The minute I see you

The Change Within

The parents die
Children laugh and play
This is the life we live
And, at times, regret to this very day

Pandora's box opened
Chaos all over
I miss the greens
The cold weather and clover

Forgiven sins of our might
Man's greatest tragedy is not his body but his mind

The change within
The laughter we miss
The tears we cry
On our butter-fingered bliss

'Read a novel', 'write a poem', 'do something productive'
Is it me or are you a two-faced liar trying to send a false message?

But in the end
The tears I'll be crying will come from my heart
Because no one listens

To a rational person, or his mind, because, to them, he's dead – drained of blood

The Blind Man

A blind man walks in the street
A stick in his hand from hand to heel
Holds out his hand
Waving it for people to understand
That he needs their sympathy
Not money
Their heart
And not a few Dollars

A blind man walks in the street
Late at night
Tries to find a place
To rest his mind

He has nowhere to go
No chest to be protected by
No love to be given
No smile, even if he could see with his own two eyes

This blind man
Is now dead
But his soul still roams the streets
You can still hear him ask
'Wonderous world, who will love, protect, and not run from the face at hand?'

Do you hear him...?

The Angel That I Will Never See

Birds fly in the air
Fish in the sea
But an Angel like her
I will never meet

Is she a ribbon?
Is she the Blue sea?
Is she the wonder?
That will enlighten me to ease?

An Angel walks upon the Earth
Just for me
It’s the life
That I live in; that I breathe

Smile for me
Will you please?
I like to see you smile
It hurts me to see you sad, or unhappy

Would you?
Or would you not be the only one?

Could you be…

The only one

Take Me

Take my heart

Take my heart
And swift me away
Into the land of freedom
Come what may

Take my soul
Put me in your pocket
Dance me around
Like the music in your dreams

Take my hand
Take me all
Take my life, won't you
Without you - I would surely fall

Take me
Take me
Take me

Take me to the land of freedom
Where you heart beats
Where I can feel your passion
Where I can fulfill your every need

Take me to where you want to go
Take me there and I will always follow
Take me and never let go of my hand
Take me, don't lie to me, because the moment you do that - the bond between us, will be stroked upon, by the Angel of death

Take me to where you smile and not weep
Take me to where you plow your dreams
Take me to the land of fairytales and not sorrow
Take me but never let me go


Take ME