exist

Tell me why do I weep
When I smile?
Why I cry
Like an innocent child?

Every moment I try to think of a happy moment
I feel like I am empty inside
The hassles I have gone through
All through my entire life

I feel, as if though, I am unworthy of this life
I am unaware of what lies on the way to take me on it's stride

I am the sun that slowly withers away
The darkness that fills up the room when the light is switched off
I am the thought that passes through a person's mind
The anxieties of an alone, lonely child

I am the feeling that is borrowed within
I am the shadow that conceals itself to its whims

I am but the life that I live
Do I really ever exist?

The Truth

I feel so much love inside
I feel like I miss you for eternity - a time
I am full of energy, flare and galore
I am so happy but my mind wants to ignore

I cherish the love that I feel
But go on with my life - with it - to conceal
For now is not a time to lose sight of the right track
For the end result to come out and for me to be able to understand

I am waking up to a new me
The one I have always wanted to be
For a lifetime to live
A soul to give
A heart forever yours
Your face, your presence, that has me standing still

Yet, I still don't understand
Why is it that you don't want me as your man
For you say you feel not for me
Nor does your heart and mind
Is it a game of agony I put myself into?
Or the truth that I am - to - blind?

I only wish for your heart and your smile
I want nothing but happiness for all your life
I only want you forever by my side
But reality bends for no one and no one should ever have to live a lie

Of all the women in the world
I only want you
You always ask me 'why'
And I tell you 'because I sense it is the truth'

Numbness

The smile
That I kiss away
The child within you
That would go around and play

The life within me
That begs for you
The light that you shine
Gets me through the day

Of the laughter that I hear
Of beauty that I see
Of the smile I die for
Of the soul that I have found within thee

Change always comes
And everyday is just as it is
The beauty of love and life is like the numb(ness)
That I feel when I see you in front of me

A Brand New Beginning

To the woman that ever wonders in my mind
To the loneliness that I forever confide
To the past dreams I used to have
To the cherished soul within me that would have fun and laugh

I say 'goodbye'

I also say 'hello'

To the brand new page that I am about to embrace
To the life I wish to start
To the stars that fill up my sky
To the people that say everything is impossible and never question 'why?'

I say to them
That this is me
The rebel
The fighter
The stubborn personality
That I will always be

This is my life
This is my chance
No time to cry
No time for romance

Forget the heartache
Bury the pain
Today
Is just another new day

we, the people

Don't ask me who I am
Don't ask me where I've been
It's not that important
Compared to the state of the world that we now live within

We live through our dreams today
Yet we die tomorrow
We have no gain
Yet we go in vain
By killing each other

There's no such thing as peace
Unless we work on realizing the goals we want to achieve

We don't know what's right from wrong
The sins we did in the past, we do not own
The choice of life is given to us when we are born
But to speak your mind is considered a crime that we're equitted of, when we're done

The time we live in
The path we take on
Choices we don't own
But are imposed

So, you ask me were I have been
And you ask me who I am
Would you still like to know?
Would you - I wonder - understand?

suddenly

Suddenly, I gain my confidence back
I am out there risking my life
Every hour, every day
Looking out with no fear and the belief of a dream

We can't live if we're not free
Life is so much more with the ability to breath

Take a chance
Take a look around
Breath in the soul
That'll try to break you down

The choice of life has been down to me
I choose to live
To fly

To be set free
As this is who I am
This is who I will always be

defeat is not in the vocabulary

I think I will postpone my latest poetry project until I have gathered my thoughts on my career, my life amongst other things.

But I will be pursuing the chance to become a writer and columnist with a free and open minded opinion in a bid towards revealing the truth.

Once things do get into a roll with me sometime soon this month, I shall know when.

Until then, I guess I am in the dark as much as you are of my future but not on my perspectives, my wants, and my solid beliefs, of which that will never change as long as I live.

For to change for something is to admit your defeat to the world unless your whole soul is convinced and adheres thereunto.

Someone Please End My Pain

I want to cry
Take out my pain
I want to cry
Cry out in vain

I want to rip out my heart
Until my body can no longer feel
Where pain is a friend
With no secret to conceal

I want to stab myself
And bleed in vast amounts
Where the only choice given
Is beyond any reason to doubt

I want to cry an ocean of tears
Bare the happiness that this world concieves
And no longer become a human being
But a broken heart
A person with no soul
Only candlelight in the dark

I want to n longer exist and comprehend
Become mentally challenged so I wouldn't be able to repremend

A lonely heart
A lonely soul
A world that doesn't want to give back
A fool with horns
A choice I wish I could take
A choice I bare to my dying day

Conjucted minds of mission upon mission
A lie of a tale that takes only prisoners

I want to cry out
I want to die now
I want to no longer live
In this world I see now

Someone please end my pain..

Horizon newsletter: 1st poetic story - Change

He woke up with a fear of terror. Of pain and grief and feelings that he never felt before. He woke up to the change. People he had never seen their face. He woke up from a slumber of both body and mind. Of where beauty once lay; and now ugliness leaves its trail behind.

‘I must be dreaming to see all this disaster and commotion
I have to wake up; to get up; and shake free these notions’

Of a life once past and now has changed. Of timid waves that slowly drift away. Of sadness so appealing, it takes over your soul. Of the life we know not; no longer; anymore.

He looks at the trees that were once green. That had birds perched on its branches and protected by its leaves. He looks at the shadows the Sun shuns away. He looks at the dried land of where water was once astray.

Sadness and grief fill his heard and soul. No one around to help him off the rock bottom floor.

‘Not a wind
Not a breeze
Not a cloud in the sky
To cool down the burning sensation in my feet’

The black ocean that surrounds dead meat. Everywhere he goes, he is met by grief. The morbid sense of fate that owned by man. His fault. His guilt. The consequences on which he could comprehend. The warning signs that just never ceased to end.

‘There may be seven skies that I live under
But I failed to come to terms with the responsibility that resulted in my plunder

I had chosen to turn a blind eye to the small considerate facts
Thinking that it was all a phase and that, with time, it was going to pass
I made a mistake that is unforgivable

The choices I heed, the example I lead, the future tells me now that such options, put on ground, were not indestructible’

He walks the planks of burnt wood in dismay. The life these pieces use to fortale.

‘There are no children
There is no sound

No flutter
No music
Just the smell of death, all around
I’ve seen the worst
In my days

The life I used to give
To see that one true bright day
Have we learnt nothing?
To come to such a day?

To live in the misery of our ill-choices?
The feeling of heartache vain?

I choose not to give in to this circumstance.
I choose hope and the ability to make future generations understand

Understand that it is within their hands
They hold the hope of a new future
The bounds are limitless, borders unknown
Only the mystery of our future that lies ahead’

Kneeling down, to his knees, he sees a plant that has been pulled out of the ground. He surrenders to the new will to change his future of which he has now found.

Takes the plant into hand. Gently replanting it into the Earth.

'Now, I have set a new hope for tomorrow
All that’s left is for us to see how well our unborn children learn to cope’

Rapidly Blue III: Private & Confidential

Work is now afoot on collecting new pieces of poetry for my 3rd poetry book.

The current going title for the collection is 'Private & Confidential'.

I am setting a deadline for me to finish it between 6-12 months time for an early 2008 release, inshallah.

Teaser

There's an article in theweek dated the 21st of September, 2005 about me talking about my previous book Rapidly Blue and my new book Wonderous World.

Enjoy reading it..

Word Verification

Folks, you'll have to excuse me. But I have turned on 'word verification' option for this blog because lately there has been a spread of people who are taking advantage of the 'anonymous user' option to posting comments on blogs with indecent comments.

Basically, all you'll be asked to do is to verify after posting your comment that you're as human as you can ever be by typing in the letters you see in front of you, that's all.

It's a piece of cake..

I apologize again..

This is how I feel - How about you?

I wish I could tell you how I feel
You have me at a corner unable to speak my heart out
The face I portray in front of my friends when I don't see you around
The sadness that I am filled with when all I can think of is you
You're not here
I can't speak to you
I can't even meet you
And the cards in my destiny keep on changing
The wind keeps on a-breezing
Slap me so I can wake up from my daydream
Tell me there's no luck in the future or the past
Just make me udnerstand that you're not meant for me
Rather than having me burn from inside
From looking for you
Searching for you
Thinking of you
Yearning for your presence
Longing to just talk to you
To see you
Just to enjoy the warmth that you spread when you're around
I wish I could get you out of my mind but I can't
I understand everything, by my heart doesn't; won't; and shan't

What is it that makes me lost for words?

Is it the way that you just talk to me?
Or is it the way that you smile at me?
Should I close my eyes and ears, I would still see you, hear you in front of me

I fear the worst, most of the times
I fear that I will never find the true meaning to life
But when I see you and the way you behave, I believe that time can be rewritten all over again

I can't be held responsible for my emotions
Its just not possible to avoid this heart of mine
If my mind were to do that one day
I would surely die of insanity of having to take your image out of my brain

Lately
Everytime I am down
I think of you and I am up again

Why?
Because your smile will simply not die
Never have I seen a frown on your graced face

Anyone can write poetry like I can
Its the talk, that I seek, behind the pen and the pad

I realize you're still in a mix up
But what can I say?
My eyes look for you
Almost everyday

If these words are intended for something
Then intended they are
To break through the ice
That baracades your heart

Ciao?

This blog is now on suspension until further notice..

A Poem About You

Sometimes it’s hard to think
Sometimes it’s hard to imagine anything at all
Right now I can't imagine my life without having to talk to you or seeing you
Any day at all

Don’t get me wrong
I only feel that we easily connect as the friends or cousins we are
We needn't go any far
Believe me; these words come from the heart

Not out of being depressed or feeling sad
If ever at all, it’s because I am glad
Glad that I have someone who I can talk to freely happily and almost without a boundary
Even though that we can never be together
Right now or possibly ever, doesn't make me happy but I respect you
Don’t ground me

I have said what I said about how I feel
I am the kind of person whose feelings do not conceal
I am like what most people say an open book to be read
If you ever had the time
To read me once in a while
Let me know what you think of the author
That’s, if.. You have the time

What pushes me to you is not how beautiful you are
Nor your sizzling figure
Or your simply gorgeous smile
That makes the world pink along with you
But it’s what you have to talk about
The way you talk about it
And the way you listen, always have fun, and never seem to be depressed, ever

This is all I can say
If I pushed myself over the line, please excuse me
I only dared myself to say what's on my mind to be honest and true to you, believe me
Should you not agree with what I said
Then you can ignore it totally and just let it goes, and forget

I apologize again
I sincerely do
This is what I am
And this.. Is what I do

Dear Winter..

Dear winter
Dear heart
Dear eyes
That sparks in the dark

I wish you could see what I could see
I wish you could feel what I could feel
I dare not say how I do
I dare not look into your eyes the way I want to

I would love to tell you
Eye to eye
Heart to heart
Had I the wil
The courage
The power

But to move such a feeling
Out of my body
Through my mind
By my lips
To say your name
To have your image all the time in my mind

But what can I say?
What can I do?
Behind these white sheets
Behind these semi colored curtains

I see your smile
All I want to do is smile back
And when you laugh it feels like heaven is spreading its wings on me
Although I am suffering, silently because of what is going on with me

My only wish
My only desire
Is that you would have been free as a bird

But my luck is bad
And sometimes under minded
And that's why you're so far away from me

I hide behind my smile
The tears that I should be crying
The pain I hold in my heart from the silent darkness that I am lost in
Suffering, tear by tear
Whispering, for you to bring me in

What can I say?
What can I do?
I am here for a reason
Perhaps many

Life beyond life
Scream beyond scream
Silent as a disease
Silent beyond the whispering wind in the trees

Flare upon flare
Time after time
This is my curse
This is my life as it is pointed out in the timeline

But I am only kidding to myself
Because you have heart set on someone else
And we have only just met
And I am bound to stay for all time like this

How can I know?
How can I see?
How can I put my eyes to the path?
To the way I should seek?

Raindrops
Seashells
Waves upon the sea

Some things
Are just
Not meant to be

Hey folks...

I got some good news and some bad news...

The good news is that I am out of hospital (not that I have that many fans through my blog or outside - awwwww).

The bad news however is that I am postponing my book release to Autumn or Winter of this year because I feel it is a) Incomplete and b) a bad time for me to market my book at this time because it's summer and none of you would be around plus the fact that I am in no condition of doing anything about the project.

So my most sincere apologies to anyone who was anticipating the arrival of the new book. But please do keep in touch for any updates should there be any on this blog or SleeplessInMuscat .

So, see ya around..

Your Whisper Is My Joy

I hear the whisper of your voice in my ear

Tended words, do I hear

You giggle

You laugh

You make my heart bounce with joy

I sit there on the phone

Hearing you out

Tears, in my eyes, from such happiness atoy

Loving words, I do hear

Expressions, from your face, I sense in your voice - I feel

When you fiddle with a pencil in your hand

What's going on your mind - I'd like to understand

The time you were smiling and wrapping your finger around with your hair

It is you, I would like to see. Your eyes twinkling, with a smile upon your face

Tears, not Drops

I don't want to say anything to you anymore

You mocked at me and my heart you tore

You denied that you had anything to do with me

You said you wouldn't be the last or the first to do this to me

Yet the day shines like nothing had ever happened

And night comes over like the midnight blanket

And I cry upon my bed thinking of the times we had

And why was it, I would wonder, you never did understand

When I am alone I would stroll into the alley of my thoughts

Within me, my heart throbs

And my eyelids, the fill up with tears not drops

And I cry for you silently in my soul, but you hear me not

Now that I am alone, does your heart ever ask about me?

Or am I just another leaf, falling off an autumn tree?